Dominion Over Fear of Pain during Childbirth

The Final Push

Before I had my first child, I had an intuition that God uses the process of childbirth to teach and mold us as women, if we make ourselves teachable and we approach it naturally, according to His design. I have proven myself to be a very slow learner as it has taken FOUR children to fully submit myself to God's will. I have, however, learned a few things about His plan for childbirth and hope to share them in this blog.

A brief history:

Baby 1 was what I call The Works. Like if you go to a car wash a get the Super Max wash. I just laid there while technology ran the show. I was induced 3 weeks early for convenience. I never felt a painful contraction because the epidural was administered and the whole birth was managed. I dilated 1 centimeter per hour on the dot. She was healthy, but small. And my need for a God's provision was completely numbed.

Sensing that something was not right, I wised up with baby 2. I educated myself about the risks of inducing childbirth. I read Dr. Sear's The Birthing Book and Natural Birth The Bradley Way. I was amazed by the complications caused by opting for the easy route. But, with Baby 2, God broke me by teaching me that intentions to go natural alone do not make for a safe birth. Either way, natural or The Works, He would be in control of my labor. Her birth was complicated by an abrupted placenta at 32 weeks. Several ambulance rides to the hospital, strict bed rest and finally an emergency c-section would be the method of her delivery. She was four weeks early, but very healthy. Praise God for the technology WHEN it is needed!!

With baby 3, I worked hard for nine months trying to deal with tensions and fears. During this pregnancy, I read some great books about natural childbirth. One was Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth. In that book, Ina May gave me a vision for the possibilities of a tear-free, complication-free birth. Also, Spiritual Childbirth, which laid out the possibility for a natural pain-free birth by trusting in Christ who has liberated us from the curse. I knew that to have a natural birth with minimal pain I would have to deal with some minor conflicts in my marriage partnership. Dealing with these conflicts would allow hubby and I to be a stronger team as we brought this baby into the world and this would effect my ability to cope with this birth. Unfortunately, I spent the entire pregnancy avoiding these issues hoping that they would miraculously vanish. As expected, my tension, though minor, did affect my ability to cope. I opted for pain relief just as I was entering transition, the hardest but shortest part of labor.
If I would have persevered just a little longer... I was quite disappoint. God was still teaching through it all, revealing and purging disconnections between my relationship with Him, as well as, with my husband.

I was given another chance with baby number 4. Hubby and I worked to make our little birthing team stronger and I spent 9 months (a blessing to have so much time) practicing putting my faith in God. During my toddler's naps I would lay down and practice tensing then relaxing each part of my body. I would pray for God's strength and protection admitting to Him that I could not do this on my own apart from His Grace. I also, peered through pages of the Bible searching for verses to memorize and recite throughout the expectancy and labor. Among them:

¹ I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ~Romans 12:1,2

Each pregnancy has brought me closer to Him is some way, but I feel I am finally getting off of the milk and learning to walk on water with Him on a more regular basis. If I had taken all of the c-section and induction opportunities presented to me along the way, I would have avoided important exercises for spiritual growth. Trust me, it wasn't always easy. I was tempted on many occasions to go for the epidural. As my due date approached, I would plead with God like a baby, asking Him to procrastinate this birth. "Please, Lord, not tonight. I am too tired. I have a sinus cold. I just want to sleep well tonight." I am sure you can get the picture that I am not a perfectly obedient person, but maybe that will improve by facing trials and life's situations head on... I hope????

3 days after my due date I was awakened by gentle but very real and regular contractions. They were 6 minutes apart, but I knew from the sign posts that birth was not close. It was 2 am in the morning when they started, so I tried to settle back to sleep even though I was a little excited. I knew this was it. At 4ish, with a whisper I shared with Vince that it was time. I snuggled with him and for a cycle of every 5 or 6 minutes of rest between contractions I would go into a deep sleep. I felt like I had been asleep for hours, but the clock told me different. This went on all night. As I was aroused by each contraction, I would praise God that He was showing me how only He can give me true rest. He would never give me more that I can handle. He is so good!!

Around 7 am we got up. We shared the news with our children. I ate a nourishing breakfast and drank alot of my special tea brew. I relaxed on the couch, still having contractions and stopping to focus on each one, asking each member of by body to relax and submit itself to my Creator. Our house was marked by peace and joy on the morning of Nov. 20th. Conversation was mostly about what we would name her. We really had no ideas.

Around 11:00 I started moving around more and the labor got moving a little faster. I got back to the couch so I could stay focused and regain dominion over any tension that might try to sneak into my muscles. Contractions were suddenly very close together and strong. I told Hubs I thought it was time to get going to the hospital. The ride was the hardest. It is never easy to relax in a car on the interstate especially when you are in transition, the hardest part of labor. The trip in the car was the only time I experienced real out-of-control pain radiating in my back. I thrashed about in the back seats of our minivan trying to get comfortable. During contractions, I hung like a monkey on the handle that is on the ceiling of our van being quite thankful for our heavily tented windows. Between contractions, I sat on my knees backwards in the back bucket seat hugging the head rest. I was behaving in a very undignified manner- I was loosing it and prayed that we would get there soon so I could relax again.

A Little Rest

Upon arriving, the first person we saw was my doula. Her godly presence immediately strengthened and subdued me. During these moments it is so important to limit ungodly and unlikeminded people who cause stress and frustration. You need to surround yourself with people like Christy. Her life beams of focused fortitude and valor in a feminine sort of way. She and Vince helped me out of the back of the van where I realized that I couldn't walk. The contractions were back to back. As I was being wheeled into the hospital I kept my head down and my eyes closed and thought of nothing but the task at hand, and the importance of guarding against stress and tension. I must depend on God especially in the hard times as He alone has the power to sooth and calm me, and He did.

Sensitive content follows:

A funny- I had an extraordinarily strong desire to lean against the nurses' station and push out the baby, but I didn't. Some how I suppressed that urge as....

I entered my room and darted toward the bathroom. I wasn't in pain, but I felt an intense urge to use the bathroom. I kept telling Christy and Vince that if I could go to the bathroom I would feel better. Well, after being in there for quite a while having what I was thinking must be THE BOWEL MOVEMENT of the century. As it turned out, I was a little confused by my body's signals and finally realized that I was actually pushing the baby down. Oops!! I can see why babies are frequently born in the toilet. I finally came out of the bathroom. It was uncomfortable to lay on my back in the bed. It felt like I was laying on a baby. St. Vincent's beds are equipped to accept a bar, and the nurse suggested she put the bar on my bed. I liked the idea, so basically, I hung from a bar like a monkey for the next 30 minutes or so while I pushed my baby out. I only pushed when I felt the urge, no nurses shouting at me to push. The original plan was for Christy to coach my pushing stage. I would have complied, but I couldn't hear anything over my body urges speaking very loudly demanding my allegiance. I wanted to say, "Speak up, Christy. I can't hear you over my uterus". :)


One time, I got a significantly longer break before the next pushing contraction. Time seemed to pause and everyone seemed to disappear. It was just me and God and He was again showing me that He knows my needs and gives me breaks when I need them most. At this point the head was crowning. I did feel some burning, but it didn't hurt- it was just a feeling. I can see how many would react to the burning as if it were pain. After all, for years we have referred to it as the ring of fire. Sounds dramatic and painful. If you stop, relax and put it in perspective you might decide it is only a feeling. As the next pushing urge came, it was powerful, again NOT PAINFUL, just powerful. I released the bar and grabbed onto Vince's neck. He held me strong as I pushed maybe two more times to deliver our baby. The sun was shining brightly in my room and our baby was delivered into an atmosphere of peace and joy rather than pain and distress. She looked big and healthy to me and I put her skin to skin and nursed her immediately to regulate her temperature.Gazing upon our New Creature

Christy Jenkins, A Wise and Intuitive Doula

Vince said that we would name her Victoria Grace because God had given me grace through this victorious delivery. Jesus was victorious over fear and pain in my life and drew us both into a closer relationship with God throughout the experience.

Victoria Grace Smith
11/20/2009
7 pounds 12 ounces
20 inches long

Sister Love

They who love us till we die,
Who in sorrow have been tried,
Who will watch our closing eye,
When all grows cold beside:
Where shall friends like these be found,
Search the earth and ocean wide;
On what hallowed spot of ground,
Save our own fireside?

~Anne Pratt

One of the benefits that sprang from our isolation on the mission field many years ago was the intense bonding our immediate family enjoyed. On mission, we had no like-minded friends outside of our family. For the first few months, I pitied myself about this. I whined that the girls had no friends, and they were lonely. Well, that was not the truth as the Lord eventually revealed to me.



In a very short time, I began to notice our daughters were NEVER bickering with one another, and it seemed that any unpleasant form of sibling rivalry had dissipated entirely. In fact, the days in our home in the woods, far from society were the setting in which our girls had delightful fun together as sisters. As the Lord would have it, He used this isolation to wean us from unhealthy peer-dependent relationships while growing our relationships with one another on a deeper plane. Even my hubby and I began to depend on and support one another in ways that we had never done before. What a blessing this isolation was for our family. Oh, we spent alot of time with other people on the mission field, but they were the sorts of people, though very sweet, with which we could not share Christian fellowship because of unequal yokement.




Now that we are back there are many friends that come knocking wanting to play. I can tell when there has been too much "socialization" when my children begin to sneer at one another. That is when we scale our social lives back again.

I am certainly not saying that I think it unhealthy to have friends. Friends are a good thing. Rather, I am saying that a ration should be applied here. In our society, we tend to tip the balance too far in one direction. In reaction to some strange fear that we will not be "socialized" enough, we find ourselves saturated with peer-dependent symptoms that reveal themselves heavily in our marriages and sibling relationships. And, on top of it all, we have decided that these unresolved problems or the norm, a standard environment for human development.

Let me just say, Christian, that unresolved problems within your family should NOT be your norm.




If you are having issues in your marriages and with your children, I want to encourage you to take time to isolate and simplify your contacts outside of your immediate families while you make attempts to find resolutions to your conflicts. Get control over your social life, and keep it at moderation levels. We find that we have good control over peer-dependency by homeschooling.

If you are suffering from bitter relationships in your family, than you have no business enjoying great fun with people outside of your family while within, there are sisters and brothers, husbands or wives suffering for love and support. That is cheating anyway. Your outside friends don't see you often enough-- when you are tired or sick or relaxed in your sin nature. It is too easy to be loving and loved during our best moments which we reserve for public display, but God has called us to a deeper love and compassion for one another and we should not avoid these training grounds designed for practicing deeper compassion within our own homes.